Best John Mulaney Quotes

Best John Mulaney Quotes

John Mulaney quotes are extremely funny and are a compilation of many of his jokes that have made him popular. Mulaney has made a name for himself doing what he loves just like Kevin Hart and Eddie Murphy who were all stand-up comedians.

John Mulaney Wiki

John Mulaney is an American actor, producer, writer, and stand-up comedian. His best work can be sourced to the popular “Saturday Night Live Show” where he contributes as a writer. He is known for starring in many comedy shows. Like Richard Pryor and others, he had a show named after him a few years ago, but it was cancelled. Below are a number of quotes from him.

Best John Mulaney Quotes

“The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.”
by John Mulaney

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“It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”
by John Mulaney

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“Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.”
by John Mulaney

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“I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.”
by John Mulaney

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“I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.”
by John Mulaney

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“I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.”
by John Mulaney

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“I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.”
by John Mulaney

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“I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.”
by John Mulaney

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“I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don't wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines.”
by John Mulaney

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“You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.”
by John Mulaney

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“I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.”
by John Mulaney

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“It's nice when you're nervous and everybody's like, "Yeah, you should be nervous." Because a lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy.”
by John Mulaney

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“I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, 'Oh, yeah, I could be like that.”
by John Mulaney

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“If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.”
by John Mulaney

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“I think for many of us - speaking for just a pocket of the country - we trusted Obama. So when you leave your baby with your mom to watch, you don't run home and check the nanny cam. But now we've left the baby with Gary Busey, so we're going to be a lot more on it.."
by John Mulaney

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“My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don't think we had a family dinner where one didn't come up.”
by John Mulaney

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“Things don't exist until they exist.”
by John Mulaney

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“Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.”
by John Mulaney

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“All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.”
by John Mulaney

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“I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."
by John Mulaney

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“I like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on. Nick Kroll does that a lot. He doesn't watch important shows. He'll just turn on a documentary on Mia Hamm and watch it for an hour. Whatever's on, we watch.”
by John Mulaney

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“I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.”
by John Mulaney

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“Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.”
by John Mulaney

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“​I stopped drinking when I was 23. I kind of started when I was 13, so it was a 10-year run. But I just became a bad, annoying drunk child, so when I stopped, I'd done a lot of things I wasn't proud of.”
by John Mulaney

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“I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?.”
by John Mulaney

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