Best Funny Dad Quotes

Best Funny Dad Quotes

Funny dad quotes are about dads and by dads who relive various events in their lives that are so funny we just had to post them here. You will read funny sayings from both sides of the fence, fathers will give their views and the kids will give theirs as well. One thing is certain the quotes will definitely make you laugh or giggle. For even more funny quotes be sure to check out funny senior quotes and funny mom quotes as well. Below are some very funny dad quotes for you to read.

Funny Dad Quotes

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."Rodney Dangerfield

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“You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."
Jerry seinfeld


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“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope.”
Bill Cosby


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“To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years."
Ernest Hemingway


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“There should be a children's song, if you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.”
Jim Gaffigan


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“My daughter got me a World's Best Dad mug. So we know she's sarcastic.”
Bob Odenkirk


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“Men should always change diapers. It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.”
Chris Martin


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“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.”
Dave Barry


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“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.”
Dave Barry


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“My wife just let me know I'm about to become a father for the first time. The bad news is that we already have two kids.”
Brian Kiley


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Short Dad Sayings

Short dad sayings are just another way to put funny dad quotes. We all love to laugh and enjoy a good time and that’s because we have been, made to be social beings. The sayings or quotes are meant to give you a boost of happiness and make you overflow with joy. I am sure many of the readers can relate to what these writers are saying and if you can I am sure it will make you laugh. Another great read is funny cousin quotes, be sure to check that one out.

“My sisters and I can still recite Dad's grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.”
Connie Schultz


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“I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
Rita Rudner


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“I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.”
George W. Bush


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“I know that if my mom fell and screamed for help, my dad would jump right up to rescue her as soon as it was halftime.”
Bruce Cameron


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“My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.”
Harry Hill


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“I asked my dad for a BB gun, but he said we were a tribe of worriers, not warriors.”
Hilary Price


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“Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents”
Margaret Mead


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“I love my dad, because even though he has Alzheimer's, he remembers the important things. He can't remember my name, but last week he told me exactly how much money I owe him.”
Thyra Lees-Smith


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“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”
Red Buttons


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“My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.”
Bob Monkhouse


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Funny Dad Captions

Funny dad captions or one-liners is a great way to share fun related thoughts to others. Dads can be funny despite the kids saying they are corny, but I guess it all depends on who you are trying to reach as some audiences relate to different things. Regardless I know that these funny quotes were indeed hilarious and I am sure readers would have found them a breath of fresh air.

“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”
Jack Handey


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“I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet."
Rodney Dangerfield


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“If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly."
Cathy Ladman


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“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch."
Jon Stewart


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“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."
Martin Mull


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“My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football, and my father tried to get a free x-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage."
Glenn Super


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“My father makes money the American way. He trips over stuff and sues people."
Dominic Dierkes


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“My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."
Spike Milligan


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